Love is a powerful emotion that guides everyone through their lives–it influences future relationships, the way individuals perceive the world–love teaches individuals immensely about others and themselves. Yet, every love story begins somewhere, and each is unique in its own way, for many they think it has to start in high school. Initial encounters with love often leave permanent imprints due to the strong emotions associated with first experiences.
While these foundational experiences vary depending on the individual, they raise important questions: Is the first experience with romance truly the first love? Or do individuals often mistake other feelings for love when encountering a deep connection for the first time? Many people have misconceptions of a first love versus a first everything.
“Yeah, I definitely have gotten confused about whether my first relationship was my first love or first everything because I had a lot of confusing emotions while I was in the relationship that caused me to doubt it in general” said Mr. Inoa, the journalism advisor at John Dewey High School. “That of course, in turn, made me wonder like, ‘Was this person my first love, or was I caught up in lust?’
“I came to realize that the mistake I ultimately made that caused my relationship to end was more so a reflection of my own immaturity and own inability to be in a relationship at that time,” Mr. Inoa added. “It wasn’t necessarily me not really realizing that person was my first love. If anything I realized that person is my first love and I messed up, now I just lost my first love”.
When people experience their first love, it leaves a lasting impression due to the intensity of feelings and the hormonal changes. After the relationship ends, the sense of loss often shapes how individuals approach future relationships, establishing patterns of expectations and vulnerabilities.
As people mature and form new relationships, many come to realize that what they once considered their “first love” was actually their “first everything”–a combination of infatuation, attachment, and newfound intimacy rather than deep, enduring love. With time and experience, individuals discover that greater love exists beyond those initial encounters.
“My first genuine relationship was with a guy freshman to sophomore year, he was my ‘first love’” said a student who spoke under the condition of anonymity. “I was with this guy for a year so it took me 2 years to move on from him, I just couldn’t pull myself to be romantically infatuated with anyone after him.
“The most important lesson I learned that I carry into future relationships is to not depend all your happiness on your partner, you have to find your own happiness,” the student added. “I never doubted that my ‘first love’ didn’t care about me, he always encouraged me to be independent and do what makes me happy. He really opened my eyes about what I wanted to do in the future, and I value those expectations of your partner prioritizing your success over everything.
“I eventually did open up to a new person recently after not trusting anyone for so long. In all honesty, my ‘first love’ was my firsts for a lot, but how I felt in that relationship did not even compare to the kind of love I felt with this new person,” the student said. “It really made me question whether my first love was my first love or first everything, I still don’t know, it’s confusing. But I do know for sure there is always a better person for someone out there, so that’s why I don’t really stress over the idea of my first love being my first love or not, first loves are overrated”.
Many people worry about when they will experience their first love and the nature of that relationship. They think that it has to be found in high school, and that one’s first love has to be their last love. Gen Z grew up with social media and is the most connected generation, so it is no doubt that it has become a vital part of Gen Z’s love lives.
Social media plays a huge role in influencing the views of romantic relationships–but, positively or negatively? Unrealistic love movies and people only highlighting the perfect aspects of their relationships online normalizes the idea that it is necessary to experience a first love just to gain insight and happiness in life. Individuals feel left out for not having yet experienced something so “fundamental”.
“There are so many people around the school, even some of my own friends, that are so preoccupied with the idea of being in a relationship,” the student said. “It sucks. Social media has definitely played a huge role in making people think that experiencing a first love will solve all your questions and problems of the world–that it is something that will complete a missing piece of you.
“But in reality, it’s not like that,” the student added. “It really makes people desperate in finding a partner, and most of the time it’s not even genuine, it’s just pure attachment. People just need to realize that love will eventually find its way, the key is just being patient and not trying to rush looking for something”.
Social media creates a lot of ideas in people’s heads about what love is and what it should be like. Social media has recently risen up to the idea of the “First Love Theory”, suggesting that people hold a lasting place for their first love, even in new relationships. It has made a lot of individuals think that it applies to everyone, which can lead to a lot of harmful patterns in relationships.
“I do believe in the first love theory” said Jeniya Tirado, a senior at John Dewey High School. “I think when you love someone you’ll always have that scar in your heart. No matter what, you sort of just always get reminded of them and while in the relationship you look for things that remind you of them.
“I think that’s what makes it so hard to forget,” Tirado added. “At least for me, almost everyone who I’ve loved either romantically or platonically, I will never forget them especially if they meant a lot to me during the time we spent together. I’m constantly looking for things that remind me of the people I love”.
On the contrary, some individuals believe otherwise.
“The first love theory is a man-made idea normalized by social media, it’s not real”, the student said. “There are certainly some people who look for their first love in every other person, but there are also people who are able to find more authentic love that surpasses everything about their first love.
“Social media normalizes this theory so much that there are some people hesitant about getting into relationships because they believe that their partner still loves their first love,” the student added. “At this point, I feel like social media has created so many stupid theories like the ‘3 month rule’, ‘talking stages’, ‘February theory’, ‘FIRST love versus first LOVE’. Like these are all based on nothing but personal anecdotes of teenagers, these aren’t real, people honestly just don’t know how to love”.
Love is often an unexplainable feeling, and many people would say that “Social media has killed romance”. Social media has greatly contributed to people having different ideas of when love should appear and what it looks like, which is why there are so many misunderstandings and why certain people are able to better suit others.
“I think sometimes a lot of high schoolers expect to experience their first love in high school when it’s very normal to go through all of high school without any sort of romantic relationship,” Mr. Inoa said. “In fact, I know many people whose first real love or first serious relationship didn’t come into their early 20s. I think sometimes with first loves, people feel as if it has a false time stamp on it, and that’s not necessarily the case”.
“I would say that it’s okay to not be with your first love,” Mr. Inoa added. “Being with your first love is a great thing if that happens to be your circumstance, for many people their first love will not always be the person they end up with, or be their greatest love.
“I think it’s more beneficial in life to be able to walk away from something when you know you have given it your absolute all, and it’s still futile,” Mr. Inoa said. “In an ideal world, I would say I would love everyone to be with their first love. I think the world is a lot different now because I think that some beautiful relationships have started from actually walking away from the previous one. You can’t let the fear of trying to make something work prevent us from someone who wants to give the love that we deserve”.
Just like how science class gets confusing, it’s okay to be confused about love because love is science. The initial encounters of love have significant impacts on people’s lives, but the circumstances of love are different for everyone. It’s okay to be confused, to have not yet experienced a first love, and to not be with them in the end because the world and expressions of love are vast.
